Formula #025: 5 powerful tips on how to set boundaries (and dominate the life you deserve).

Welcome to another Edition of the Formula.

In today's issue, you'll learn:

• Quote of the day

• Candid insight on the dangers of not setting boundaries

• 5 proven tips to set strong boundaries and dominate the life you deserve

Read time:

Less than 4 minutes.

You ready? Let's dive in.

Quote of The Day

I used to always shout about what I was doing in my life - particularly the aspirations I had and goals I seek to achieve.

It feels good, doesn't it? .. But, that's the problem.

By speaking our goals and aspirations into reality, it lulls our body into thinking we've actually achieved them.

This is the ultimate form of mental masturbation you want to avoid at all costs - keep them private until they're permanent.

This will help boost your motivation and desire towards actualising them and then people can judge you by your actions, not your words (10x more powerful).

Show, don't tell.

How to Set Boundaries and Dominate The Life You Deserve

The inspiration for this post was sparked by a recent conversation I had while working with a client that recently got divorced.

As you can imagine, it was a devastating blow for him - he put everything into the relationship.

He was extremely devoted to her, despite, his partner acting disingenuously and being disloyal. 

But, as my client and I talked more, and the story unfolded, it became increasingly evident to both of us what had gone wrong.

Poor boundaries... well, in fact, there were none.

By not having firm boundaries in place, my client's partner abused his flexibility and deep compassion.

Because the harsh truth is, if you don't set boundaries, other people will set them for you.

Over time, with no accountability, what we both began to realise is after years this abuse then became entrenched as a new reality.

The solution to help bulletproof yourself?

Set boundaries.

"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives" – Tony Robbins

Setting boundaries communicates to others about what you value, what you will and will not accept in your life, and who you are. 

It is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself — it will change your life, your relationships, and help you nurture the respect you deserve.

As soon as I implemented healthy boundaries in my own life, I became more competent, content, and less afraid to express my needs in all of my relationships.

But it is easier said than done. Here are a few tips I learned (and am still learning) that help me every day.

1. Learn to say "No"

There are few words stronger or more powerful than no because it automatically says that you and your time are valuable.

You can say it in many ways. To a boss you can say,

“I want to do the best for you, but I will need more time/more assistance if you want me to do more and maintain quality.” 

Whether you say “no thanks”, or “I can’t right now”, it is important to learn to say it often to prioritise your precious, limited time.

People appeasing will ultimately destroy your happiness. Being selfish is actually a selfless act.

It's been said before but, "you can not pour from an empty cup"

Say no to take back control.

2. Set Your Boundaries Upfront.

When people first meet you, many will unconsciously test your boundaries to see who you are.  

First impressions are the strongest, so starting from the beginning sets your character in other’s minds and they will act accordingly to their perception of you.

If you are perceived to be a certain type of person from the beginning, then maintaining that impression will be much easier than having to change it.

Start strong.

As a former corporate sales executive, once the deal was done, I was advised to be firm and manage expectations with clients upfront.

This was done to avoid any confusion or misunderstanding down the line. The same can be said for your relationships.

You can always ease up later. And that worked for me. Starting vice versa is much, much harder.

3. Start Small.

Practice small boundaries first.

For example, you may say to a partner or loved one:

“Would you clean up your toothpaste from the sink from now on, please?”

Or, you may want to disclose an emotion you've been holding onto like,

“When you say XYZ about me, it makes me feel like XYZ”.

Start expressing your small needs first, and then it will be easier to express bigger ones later.

It is important to start the habit of being assertive. 

4. Remove Toxic People Who Undermine Your Boundaries.

You don’t have to overly explain your boundaries or give excuses.

If someone is disrespecting you, state that their actions are not acceptable.

If they will not heed your wishes, then limit contact with them and do so unless they’re willing to give the respect they’d wish people would also give them.

Be ruthless in your pursuit of surrounding yourself with men that respect themselves as much as you do.

Don't steep down to their level. Keep your standards high and you'll attract other high-standard men and women.

5. Prepare Yourself to Set Boundaries. Visualize.

It can be tough but you must be prepared to call out someone who mistreats you on the spot.

Do not wait long.  

But prepare yourself and what you will say so you don’t react inappropriately.

Do not leave yourself ruminating on what someone said all day without having addressed it.

The more you wait, the harder it is.

A simple “I don’t appreciate that. It’s disrespectful”  will get most level-headed people to apologize and think twice about saying something disrespectful again.

It will also save you a lot time spent dwelling on negative feelings.

You’ll find the majority of people respond to strong self-worth. If you say what you need to say with self-confidence, most will react accordingly.

Setting boundaries upfront empowers you and will raise your confidence.

Ultimately, when it comes to respect, you are not your job title. You’re not your money. You are where your boundaries or lack of them lay with all of the people you meet.

So practice setting healthy boundaries and you’ll find you will be more fulfilled and happier in all of your interactions.

That’s all for this Monday.

If you’re not getting value out of these tips, please consider unsubscribing.

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Otherwise, see you again next week - same time, same place.

Your, Simmo.

P.S:

There are two ways I can help you.

1. Any casual questions - Feel free to respond this email and say "Hey". Always happy to help.

2. Work with me 1-on-1.

If you're a high-performing man, who wants to transform your confidence and demand more respect from your peers and loved ones - I offer 1:1 coaching. Click here to learn more: www.yoursimmo.co